We planned on moving
If anyone ever asks how I am I'd expect the answer to be "She's heartbroken but trying to make the most out of what she's been given".
We planned on moving. I had to have surgery and recover.
We planned on moving years later. The economy went into freefall.
We planned on moving a decade later. A global pandemic hit.
I am so sick of planning on moving and having my heart broken over and over again. I promised my family we would move back to my home state, my husband even promised them.
Here I am 15 years later in a house that is nice, but increasingly with every crisis feels like a cage I cannot escape. To my husband it's a lovely house and I shouldn't complain because he's provided it and all the basics I need. He's right.He also promised me before we got engaged that we'd move to Washington sooner rather then later...he promised my mom.
We go around the same arguement over and over "well what do you want me to do about it?" followed by his pointing out that we are fine where we are. Over and over. He wants very much to move, but to a city nearby where we are now. That's great, I'll still be away from family and my asthma will get even worse with each passing year. Regardless of where we go each year a new crisis hits that stops us from leaving. I'd leave on my own but I can't leave Benny behind, and it's not fair to try to take him away.
If I talk to him it'll be "Why are you upset, what did I do?". Nothing. That's the problem. He'd point out that he has taken steps (hiring a lady to test Danny so he can be placed in a care home in our new state), making improvements to our house. All this was 6 years ago. I keep waiting every year for "THIS is the year we are moving". It never is.
He has everyone he knows and loves locally or even within arms reach. I have him. That's it. Stores are starting to run out of stock on items again so I asked to go restock, he was all for it and then changed his mind because he can't afford it right now. I get it, and understand, but I wasn't asking him to pay. By next week when he wants to go it'll all be gone again. Maybe baking supplies aren't important to him, but for me only two things have made me feel better during this pandemic: Sewing masks and baking. 99% of that is all for others, so I'm not being selfish, it makes me feel better to help others. Now the store will be out of supplies again...
Why can't we move? Well, how do you show a house in the middle of a pandemic? Who still has a job so they can buy our house?
I am beyond heartbroken. I am numb and angry all at once. I hate all of this.
We planned on moving. I had to have surgery and recover.
We planned on moving years later. The economy went into freefall.
We planned on moving a decade later. A global pandemic hit.
I am so sick of planning on moving and having my heart broken over and over again. I promised my family we would move back to my home state, my husband even promised them.
Here I am 15 years later in a house that is nice, but increasingly with every crisis feels like a cage I cannot escape. To my husband it's a lovely house and I shouldn't complain because he's provided it and all the basics I need. He's right.He also promised me before we got engaged that we'd move to Washington sooner rather then later...he promised my mom.
We go around the same arguement over and over "well what do you want me to do about it?" followed by his pointing out that we are fine where we are. Over and over. He wants very much to move, but to a city nearby where we are now. That's great, I'll still be away from family and my asthma will get even worse with each passing year. Regardless of where we go each year a new crisis hits that stops us from leaving. I'd leave on my own but I can't leave Benny behind, and it's not fair to try to take him away.
If I talk to him it'll be "Why are you upset, what did I do?". Nothing. That's the problem. He'd point out that he has taken steps (hiring a lady to test Danny so he can be placed in a care home in our new state), making improvements to our house. All this was 6 years ago. I keep waiting every year for "THIS is the year we are moving". It never is.
He has everyone he knows and loves locally or even within arms reach. I have him. That's it. Stores are starting to run out of stock on items again so I asked to go restock, he was all for it and then changed his mind because he can't afford it right now. I get it, and understand, but I wasn't asking him to pay. By next week when he wants to go it'll all be gone again. Maybe baking supplies aren't important to him, but for me only two things have made me feel better during this pandemic: Sewing masks and baking. 99% of that is all for others, so I'm not being selfish, it makes me feel better to help others. Now the store will be out of supplies again...
Why can't we move? Well, how do you show a house in the middle of a pandemic? Who still has a job so they can buy our house?
I am beyond heartbroken. I am numb and angry all at once. I hate all of this.
Comments
Post a Comment