Arbitrary Steps

You know, it doesn't matter how we prepare or how we react to this pandemic. The truth is no one alive (okay, very few over 100) have ever dealt with this so any reaction is a valid reaction. Want to clean your home 24/7?  Sounds valid Want to wear a hazmat suit to work? That's reasonable. In 2020 it seems anything goes, because 2020 seems to want all of us dead. I am far too stubborn and rebellious to put up with that

Today my husband got me disinfectant wipes...a full size container! The store had a limit of one to buy and he got the very last one! It's like a scavenger hunt that you pay astronomical prices for

I have always been a voracious reader and consumer of news, I usually have CNN on in the background for much of the day, but that has all changed. I watch one hour of news in the morning (sometimes less) and that's it. My husband and I both agree, we can't quite stomach watching it very much now. We still stay informed but watching more was just giving us anxiety....and we are already anxious enough. Today is Sunday, new COVID numbers will be released tomorrow and I'm anticipating a bad report. Our local Costco reportedly has several employees that came down sick with COVID and since that is our main supply stock up place it has us a bit concerned. Costco DOES do deliveries here though. No one alive has gone through this, there is no right answer as to how we should react or prepare for this pandemic. We assume winter will be brutal and will be spent 100% at home. There is no way to know or completely prepare....but we're doing our best. I hope it's enough

It's now the start of the 2nd wave and stores are running out of supplies again. This time my husband and I are slightly in disagreement as to when and how to prepare but at least we agree something more needs to be done. The numbers of COVID cases locally jumped a huge amount today.

If anyone ever asks how I am I'd expect the answer to be "She's heartbroken but trying to make the most out of what she's been given". We planned on moving. I had to have surgery and recover. We planned on moving years later. The economy went into freefall. We planned on moving a decade later. A global pandemic hit. I am so sick of planning on moving and having my heart broken over and over again. I promised my family we would move back to my home state, my husband even promised them. Here I am 15 years later in a house that is nice, but increasingly with every crisis feels like a cage I cannot escape. To my husband it's a lovely house and I shouldn't complain because he's provided it and all the basics I need. He's right.He also promised me before we got engaged that we'd move to Washington sooner rather then later...he promised my mom. We go around the same arguement over and over "well what do you want me to do about it?"...

My daily routine is the same. Wake up, have coffee. Sit with my dog. Have breakfast. Chat occassionally with my husband. Sew. Have dinner and watch TV with hubby. Sew. Go to bed. Every day is the exact same schedule because there is nowhere to go and nothing to do. The day varies a bit ( add in housework, feeding stepson) but mostly it's the same. Yes, our state is partially reopened, we could go out, but with cases rising to historic levels it just doesn't feel safe. I saw a news report that says by Christmas we can easily be at 250,000 to 600,000 deaths ...and that means millions more infected but surviving. This whole situation has me feeling slightly numb. The daily repetition, the dire future, and being in this house have me numb. Numb but yet terrorized and worried is not a good feeling. And so I sew masks for people I know and people I will never know every day, because it's all I can do.

Congressman John Lewis died today, not of COVID however he is one of the people I felt was invincible and death could not touch. Sadly I was mistaken. Alphonse de Lamartin: Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.   In our house we are anxious, to look at us you would not know it, but it's there. My husband seems like his usual self but he gets flashes of anger erupting at odd times. My husband is a sweet and joking guy, always looking to make others laugh, but he's been clearly stressed. I keep baking and cleaning, as if those activities will somehow ward off any virus that would dare attack. We'll be going along our day at home and everything feels okay, and then my husband will get a bit snippy, or I realize we are out of something we normally have in stock and I realize it's pointless to ask for things that may not be in stock until the pandemic is over. Also my husband rarely drinks. He is perfectly happy with having...

With all the lockdowns in different phases across the country we keep having pockets of virus activity at different levels. The first big wave hit California, New York and Washington. The second peak is now hitting with a vengeance in Florida and the south in general.. We also have a resurgence here in California. With everything up in the air I find myself at a loss as to what we should be doing so we're just making it up as we go along based on what we feel comfortable with. Masks? ALWAYS, Cleaning our home religiously? Of course. The rest we are getting conflicting advice on so we have chosen to stay home as much as possible, only going out for supplies. Supplies, both food, medical, and sanitary supplies seem to partially be in stock but today we went to Costco and the parking lot was full, our grocery store was packed with no parking spots even. It seems like the whole area decided to restock today. Which makes me wonder where they are getting their info, or if like us are t...

They had the first cases, but we were the first with lockdown orders. Once again we are the first to reinstate lock down orders...here we go again

Cases are rising all over the south, the worst hit are Florida, Texas, and California, so our govenor here in California has ordered most businesses to close down again. I worry so much about the unknowns, especially what will still exist after all of this is over. Assuming we live, will our favorite restuarant still exist? How about the waitress we love, is she okay...and would we ever find out either way? What will the economy look like? Are we headed back to great depression standards where soup lines and begging is common? I do think this is good; Many leaders are telling Pres Drump (intentional misspelling) exactly where he can stick it. He wants everything opened back up, while leaders are watching out for our lives by closing them down. I thought republicans were "Pro-life", so why are they for endangering the lives of workers and children? Why are our elderly disposable to them? That is what they are saying by demanding schools open and not providing enough equipme...

Not just us. Americans tend to focus on home, and not on all mankind. It's understandable, but in the rush to get food, treatments, and just survive day to day it's good to remember that all of mankind is dealing with this horrible condition https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2020/07/coronavirus-storm-hits-south-africa-live-updates-200711230513471.html

Images from across the country ( I do not own these images, I am not profiting off this blog or images in any way) Texas wait to get a test Food bank wait, it looks like a car lot  Shortages Lives lost, New York was so overwhelmed mass graves were dug

They say there are several main stages of grief: Anger, denial, bargaining, acceptance etc. I seem to be stuck in the anger phase today. I long for road trips and family gatherings, most of all I wish we were getting our house ready to sell....but how can you sell a house during a pandemic? You can't. I think it's a mix of anger and frustration I'm dealing with, and while I keep channelling it into sewing and watching youtube travel videos I fear my anger will boil over. I KNOW my husband is doing everything he can do to keep us safe. I know our local officials are honest with their assessments. I know nothing I do can change the fact a virus is raging and has changed our lives. I am not in denial...I wish I were. I'm angry. Angry at our enept leadership, angry that we all have to take so many precautions. Angry that life is frozen in this horrible time loop. Dear 2020, you suck

There's just one tiny problem; It's 7.5 months away. "Novavax's $1.6 billion will allow the company to test the vaccine and scale up production in advance of its possible approval, with the aim of delivering 100 million doses by February, Erck said." I can be patient, but being patient, anxious and in lock down for months on end is enough to strain anyone.

After the 4th when cases rise hugely I am sure all of this will be gone. Life only looks normal if you ignore the underlying truth The same aisle 2 months ago

In our tiny town in just the last few days. They say all of this is just the continuation of the first wave, but it sure feels like a second wave

I have discovered that I would  thrive or be catatonic if I were imprisoned... one of those two extremes. These last 4 months in lockdown have been normal with a sharp edge to it; I'd be going about my day normally and think of a place to go "Well, that's closed down". I'd watch a TV show and they'd have a huge gathering and it would seem quaint how close together everyone is. Life day to day is similar to before so I am okay, I'm even learning new skills, but I cannot quite grasp how big this might end up being. Now I know change takes time, and maybe life will go back to what it once was, but there is a real chance life has changed forever. That is what my mind can't quite grasp. It's been only 4 months in quarantine yet so much has changed and I can't quite fathom what is to come or how life will be day to day...it's a big blank calendar. Will birthdays just be cards in the mail and a delivered cake? Will Caroling return to the streets...